Why do the words “independent men” incite uncomfortable notions of dislike, mockery, and fear from both men and women? Why do many people have a problem with men wanting the same independent freedoms that women have been granted as a legitimate choice? Why are women allowed to do basically whatever they please along lines of independence whereas men must remain tethered to strict, unchanging, rigid rules with no chance for alternatives or even scrutiny? Why is there a “one-size fits all” for males–in order to become a man—a “real“ man?
The truth is there isn’t a bit of real truth to any of the above mentioned descriptions of how men MUST behave. Oh, there are unofficial rules in place, originating from and remaining stagnant from eons past. There seems to be a code—a male code—that permeates all things for males. As males, we have been conditioned to believe there is only one way to behave—that’s it–ONE—ONLY ONE!!! You either “ get the girl” (any girl, no matter what…just get one), try to make her like you, try to have family with her, and no matter what happens, no mater how miserable you become, no matter what you have to endure as a result of having to live with a woman’s antics, no matter what, you must make this “left turn in Albuquerque” in order to prove you are straight, you are just like all other men, and you are “normal.”
BULL CRAP!!! That stuff is myth. It had some admirable foundations necessary in yesteryear, but since the world has changed at the helm of feminists and their weakened male followers, things suitable for males in the 1800’s and early 1900’s no longer apply. The world has changed and some men have had the courage to change too. The rest of you, well, you can cling to losing if you want to. But as for us men who already know that men can be just as liberated as women, we’ll settle for none of that! You see, WE don’t have to.
First, marriage proves NOTHING about sexual orientation—absolutely nothing. We have all seen or learned of married men and women who turn out to have been gay and hiding all along. They functioned as straight but were lying all that time. They hid well sometimes—sometimes not—but they were fake. They apparently have no problem deceiving everyone (not that they HAVE to announce to everyone their inner secrets, but what we mean here is that they took on the sacred marriage vow under the pretense that they were fitting in with all its premises). Plus many gay people remain married and “happy” because they don’t want to live their lives with the gay community, and find the duties to their family paramount to their wishes of lifestyle, and/or otherwise decide to stay where they are in life. Many who stay in marriages cheat, many don’t, but the truth is gays get married too—to the opposite gender, that is. Indeed many gay-tendency (closeted) people use marriage as a front. So it proves not one thing about sexual orientation. That should be obvious to all, but the stubborn will cling to the notion that marriage proves “straight.”
However, the verdict is in, it doesn’t. They are wrong and deep down, everybody knows it.
Likewise, all single, childless males aren’t gay. Nothing is proven here either. Probably most of them have never had a homosexual desire in their entire lives. They might get unfairly and baselessly pegged as being gay, but the truth is most of us could never do anything like that—-it’s just not in us no matter how hard others speculate and try their darned best to lump us with gay people. Just because we aren’t falling into the arms of women on a regular basis does not mean, imply, or prove we are running into the arms of men in the same context. That would be an orientation issue–something completely unrelated to why we chose to be singe and independent.
Plus, men and women stooping low enough to call men gay names just because they are different (antifeminists or single or childless or liberated ) is actually undermining the entire male gender. No wonder men are losing the gender war. You see how hard it is for him to be independent if he thinks he will get called gay (and worse slurs)? Where are the droves of men who agree with antifeminists? Here they are: hiding because they are afraid to take a good, public, scrutinizing look at the creatures they are expected to spend their lives with— hiding…all because they are afraid they will be called gay or something.
We independent men, in which some of us, (not all) are also antifeminists, have learned to get around all the child-like name-calling. Sure, you bet, at first, it bothered us too. But we have the power to keep our focus. We don’t let their play-time immaturity affect us to the point that we would rather blend in instead. Since our sense of being a man isn’t tied to acceptance by other men and women, the effect of being called untrue names just doesn’t get to us as much–eventually fading away. It gets much easier with time.
Many of the feminists are resentful of us not having to have women in marriage. They want us tethered to women—to make us accept the changes they have induced in all women. They want to control us. (What woman doesn’t have control-freak imprinted somewhere inside her being?) So men acting stupid enough to call independent men and even antifeminist men gay or something serves to place a banner over the heads of ALL men that says to exploitative feminists, “ LOOK! Hey feminists and scorned women, want to know how to go for our jugulars. Want to know what will shut us down—what will make us stop noticing the truth about women? Call us gay. It really bothers us. You’ll get your way with us if you call us gay.” To control or punish men, viscous women will call a man gay even if they know FOR SURE he can’t be. And men let this work on them!!
Men have their sense of manhood placed so superficially where just about anybody meaning harm can get to it, ravage it, mock it, and destroy it. MOTIVATEMEN would like to see that proverbial manhood stored in the inner vault of men’s being instead. If manhood is such a strong and important thing to males, why then, are they wearing it on their sleeves?
It doesn’t take a genius to see how men can be their own worse enemy by attaching the achieving of manhood to something so “affectable” by outsiders, by placing so much emphasis on what others might erroneously try to assume about us. It is time for men to change this immaturity that is directed at each other. It is hurting ALL males, not just the ones who have to endure the cruelty.
Men, do you think you can grow enough courage and smarts to stop hacking away at your own feet, but when not in mixed company still speak about how you can’t walk ? Do you need a lecture on the differences between dumb and stupid? Do you love losing the gender war and letting vanish the masculinity and the incredible stability once enjoyed by society?
Many men will stubbornly defend the ideals about becoming a “real “ man. They are afraid of change, of people who are different, and perhaps think it appropriate and cool to take for granted and apply not one lick of scrutiny whatsoever to what/how the males coming before them merely said or exampled is the way for males to be. These type men are worried about not fitting in with other males. They are afraid to stand out. They are character-less puppets mired in obedient mimicry—and just for the sake of obedience and acceptance. They are afraid to step outside the box. They love to live their lives for other people—to let them have their way with them. If trying something different and deviating from the past norm were to become the actual norm then these type men would flop.
However, as awful as this seems to the independent thinker, it is their lives and they should get to live them as they please relative to this discussion.
There are many men out there who agree with us on the issue of independence for males (and/or as antifeminists), but they have not the courage to take a stand and say the first thing in public about how correct we are. Perhaps they knew we were right before they married but did it anyway, or maybe they didn’t find out we were right until they married. Nonetheless, they are afraid to change because of what people might think. They fear the names unsophisticated and narrow-minded people might call them. They hinge their success as men on not looking any different than the one beside them or the one on the other side of the world.
However, not all men agree with them or are willing to settle for doing what other men and women want them to do. Some of us have the courage to dare scrutinize the one-size-fits-all mentality that revolves around men erroneously thinking their manhood is centered on women (no matter what), their penises and relative activity and the frequency thereof, their reputation, their likability, their fitting in, their ability to blindly copycat other males.
Like many women felt about their lives (and while we at MOTIVATEMEN wish everything were stable—sacrificial, but stable—like it used to be—and that the need for this change didn’t exist, but since things HAVE changed, we have no problem with women wanting the same freedom as independent men seek. We do think feminists are taking things far too far however), but many men also want the same chance to break free from the constraints that tether them to a life they do not want to have. It is not that we dislike the families, the marriages, the chance at stability, the female companionship, the sex, and stuff like that. It is just that we think other people might suffice for this need better than we do. We can see into ourselves enough and have the courage to break free from the pack. We want to fit in too, but not to the point that we are miserable.
What we want is for the concept of independent males to be accepted and respected. We want to fit in too, but on our own terms. We want to have friends too. We also want to have a sense of belonging. We enjoy love too, but we don’t want to have to sell out to obtain these fundamental human needs. We don’t want a false sense of security and fake love granted to us by people out there who pretend for us, or are faking it, but secretly loathe our courage and wish we would get married or something. In short, we want genuine acceptance—just like the independent women have achieved. What is so wrong with that?!!
This change is inevitable. It was bound to happen. Did the feminists think freedom and independence were only for women? How could one exist without the other? If a bunch of women break ranks from the numbers game, then aren’t there going to be just about as many men left unattached too? The double standard for the genders here is inevitably going to crumble. It has taken a lot of time for males to realize it, but many men just do not want to spend their energies, life, and time revolving around the marriage and family thing—especially if the women are going to be so disorderly abd disrespectful.
We love kids too but perhaps don’t want any of our own. We love women too, but sometimes find other things that passionately occupy our brain space usually dedicated to desires. We love the stable little home filled with kids, the white picket fence, the wonderful neighbors, the whole bit, but just don’t want to do it ourselves. We understand this need most people have, but we just don’t agree with giving up our lives to have the same thing.
And then there is the fact that women have changed. Dramatic shifts in their accepted behavior—public and private—just do not jive with many of us men. For an example among many others, but many of the less dignified women think it perfectly fine to slap men just because their feelings got hurt.
What are we men like this to do, hang around them anyway until we are fed up and become belligerent, cranky, unhappy, resentful, and potentially abusive too–like those example-setting women are? Why is that better? Huh?
Things have became too competitive. Equality-mocking, special preferential treatment for women is everywhere and some men do not want to lie to women like that. Things are getting out of hand and are resembling chaos expected from such a fast-paced, synthetic, changeover induced by shortsighted feminists.
The divorce rate has skyrocketed ever since the feminists helped legalize it and then foisted their disruptive changes onto everyone—men and women alike—like it or not. Some of us men shrug all this nonsense off and deliberately decide that is not how we are going to live our lives.
Our lives belong to ourselves–let us live them. Although not in agreement about everything, we let other men live their lives. So we demand the same respect.
We just do not want to place our success as real men into the hands of women and then let other men decide whether or not we made it into manhood. Unlike other men, the independent-thinking man knows that manhood is not group-owned. His sense of being a man belongs to no one but himself. He owns it and he lives it.
Many men having gone the way everybody else seemed to want them to do and which their plans were made up by selfish others, often pull us independent men aside—secretly that is—and divulge how much they wish they could have been like us too. They love their families with all their hearts, but admit if they had chosen something different, they would have been so much happier. Also, we often get looks of secret envy from these men but with them saying nothing to us about our freedom and advantages.
However, these men also get looks of hatred for their courage which show up in a myriad of ways. I can’t even begin to tell how many times liberated men have been hit with veiled accusations about their character—about things no one could possibly know about or prove because they simply aren’t true. Shallow people go out of their way to try their darned best, based on mere erroneous speculation, to try and cram these men into a category they do not belong. It is cruelty-laced meanness.
But these men learn to let these things just flow off their backs like water. They have to. They AREN’T going to rush to fit other’s demands that falsely prove to the conditional-“friends” that they can like them now—as long as they have adjusted. For them to about-face and take on puppetry resembling many other men who went that way with their own lives, is just not in them. They are not going to do that. There is no way they are going to throw their plans out of kilter like that just because ignorant people have problems coping with men who are different. There are men who remain stubbornly fixated on a one-size-fits-all “manhood” mentality, but all men are NOT alike. Period!
I, the webmaster here, have met so many, many men who say to me,” I really did not want children, but I got married and did all that anyway.” When asked what compelled them to do it anyway, they reply, ” Because I thought I was supposed to. Because that is what I thought men had to do.” These men lived their lives as puppets letting the world and everybody but themselves direct them instead of reaching for what they really wanted. And now their lives are half-over. Many of them divorced, alienated from their children, broke, and miserable. But also, many of them try to repeat the same mistake—they want to get married again, even have MORE kids! It is time we loosen the noose around the necks of men!
This is ludicrous. Absolutely ridiculous! Hard wiring is mythical or at least not the same strength in all people. If women can escape their natural hard wiring that had made them do what the world wanted them to do, then so the hell can men. PERIOD. There is no reason to inflict males with hardships that aren’t also forced onto women. Liberty is not just for females. No way!
We need to give independent males the same respect we give independent females. Who has the right to force men into confines while we open the gate for women? Why does that make any sense? The truth is, it doesn’t make sense—and everybody, deep-down KNOWS it! And how can anyone think such a scenario has any resemblance to equality—at all!
Now that that is settled—or should be—let us move on to how wonderful our lives are as independent men. Those of you out there, male, and yearning to do something else with your lives besides the status quo, we hope to inspire you to take the path you know you want to do. At this time let us share something with you. It is borrowed from who-knows-where and modified. We like it because it says a lot about men just wanting to live their own lives as they see fit. It is posted elsewhere on this site too, but we find it also appropriate to be included here. Enjoy!
There once was a man, subconsciously yet obediently trying to please his elders, other males, women, basically everybody, thinking he was doing what he was “supposed to do as a man.” Not wanting to stand out from his peers, he fretted the lack of having children and a wife. Although seeing the issues within, still, he unselfishly put his single-hood and private aspirations aside and was willing and committed to revolving his entire life around her when he asked the woman he deeply loved to marry him.
She said “no……”. Instead of being devastated, he went on to…
…live happily ever after. He was able to do as he pleased, chase women–and actually get more sex than he ultimately would have had he married, spend money when he wanted and not have to give it all to her or let her control or approve spending, have independent financial success freed from the financial prison of supporting children. He was able to fart when he needed to. He could take on hobbies he wanted. He could extend-camp, fish, and be rough in nature without having to bring her along. He could make and keep friends, hang out, drink and spend the night with his friends….instead of having to get home while illegal.
He didn’t have to put up with her oblivious selfishness, her feminism dominating him and telling him how he has to change toward female perspectives (in the false-name of “respecting her”). He never was in the doghouse (marital prostitution, with the “currency” being his behavior). He did not have to put up with the inevitable (unless he caves in) kids/divorce/ex-wife/child-dangling scenarios that would have haunted him the rest of his life. Should he had one, he didn’t have to raise his girl like a boy. He didn’t have to spend his hard-earned money on whatever she thinks or “needs” like a 20 thou$ wedding, far too-big a house in a neighborhood he hates but she has to have, expensive diamonds, make-up, tampons, yeast infections, expensive hair-dos, tantrums, clothes, shoes…. He didn’t have to, as a “man“, absorb her abusive hitting or emotional-control abuse women can dish out without them even knowing it.
He didn’t have to come home from a hard day’s work, and even though he already adds to his career all the outside work on cars and grounds etc at home, still have to do inside housework because she claims she “does it all” as if he is responsible for her as a modern woman taking on too much responsibility like copy-catting males in the workplace world (which is her own responsibility—not his. Men owe women nothing!). And on and on and on….never ending…. and then statistically die much earlier than she, leaving her everything including an insurance policy that let’s her live like royalty. All THAT, in the name of “manhood” (which is a weapon admirably initiated by men of yesteryear, but stolen by feminists, and being used against male power) just to try and secure some regular sex (which dries up) and perhaps try for a family that hopefully doesn’t get taken away, in which he will still have to finance when it does and without any hope of raising his own kids and passing on his values to them.
Whew! Such a prison he almost died under. What a life he narrowly escaped! He remained / became a free man and lived a wonderful life. In the end, while having some guilt and baseless and immature name-calling foisted onto him for the choice he made, he ultimately realized he did the right thing—all things considered. Overall, he is happiest this way.
It is his life, let him live it. Let him be his own man! It is HIS manhood you know!? Manhood is not group-owned and approved; it belongs to each individual.
Did you get a good feeling from that passage? We here at motivatemen love it. We love it because it really sizes things up. It compares the two paths males can take. It shows the need for males to get to live out their own lives as they wish. Men want to be happy too and not all of us are comfortable with letting others decide whether or not we are happy based on their rules.
Here are some of the many things that make us happy: camping, hiking, sports, chasing women (on our own terms, of course), watching movies, listening to music, taking things apart, science, cars, trucks, gadgets, wrestling, eating, thinking, telling jokes, not having to excuse ourselves to a bathroom just to fart each and every time nature calls, and more things we won’t apologize for.
Sound familiar? Notice we aren’t very different than ball-and-chained men? Well, what did you know? Imagine that! We independent men aren’t hardly different than other men after all. What a concept! Everyone should be blown away!
On a more serious, less sarcastic note, independent men are different in only one respect: how much emphasis they place on females…ie…making sure they obey the unofficial “rules of manhood.” Big deal! So, in this context, they have more courage than the average male. But they aren’t excluded from manhood all because disagreeing males try to force them unsuccessfully to abandon themselves just to make others happy? They are different, but they are not going to go way.
We independent males know we are just as much real men as do all the other males. We are so sure of this that we stand our ground in ways that those other men are too scared to do. In this context, with this bravery, we are probably “more of a man” compared to the others, but you know what, we just want to be equal with them, nothing else. That is all we want from them.
But NOBODY…NO—BODY…will take away our own sense of being men, real men, the men WE wanted to and had the courage to be. Beat us up, mock us, hate us, or whatever, but there is not a single person out there that can convince us that us doing our own thing keeps us from enjoying the sense of being a man. Our manhood is up to NO ONE else. We own it—period!
Before leaving this subject, there is another thing we have to say about our lives. We may be “lacking” in ways others prefer to be paramount with their own lives, but we do have the courage to take these bold new steps. And there are a whole lot of problems associated with women that we do not have to endure—AT ALL! If given the choice—and we have been—we gladly choose our right to be free and independent—just like women can be—-and with the same energies expended as other males use. We would have it no other way. And most of all…we are happy! Just like in marriages, nothing is perfect. There are highs and lows in life and we are no exception. But given the alternative and all that goes with it, overall, you can bet everything you own, we are happy. Happy!
Leaving the yellow brick road; Which path takes the most courage and builds the most character, thus having the most reward?
We have all heard of the symbolic yellow brick road made famous by the Wizard of OZ. It is the proverbial path with the direction of the travelers paved for smooth predictable travel guaranteed to send us on a safe course until we reach the end. It is the path most people take. With the direction laid out so comfortably, it is easier and more precise to travel the way most others have gone. Blending in with all the others doing it too, it is the most popular method of ‘getting there’ since the travelers are assured of the travel issues, the destination, and the results.
We all have this choice. We can take the well-beaten path that everyone else takes too or we can go it on our own, finding less-traveled ways to go or even blazing a trail no one else had dared to take. No matter which we take, one thing is for sure, they all lead to the end.
So the question is: Do we play it safe or do we take more risks? Do we go safely or do we go the way of greater uncertainty? Do we trustingly skip right along until finished as so on the yellow brick road? Or does our journey take more challenging input with things like constructing the path, stopping to build bridges, repairing surfaces, slowing down in peril, and getting lost occasionally but finding our way again. Does one merely need a road map to abide by or does one need a compass coupled with determination and tenacity?
Which is the hardest? Which takes more inner spirit? Which builds the most character? Which has the most colors after all? Which takes the most courage?
One is trusted, the other is not. One is the way of being a leader, the other is limited to following.
The most familiar direction has the predictable help most everyone wants. It has road signs warning of impending conditions ahead of time. If you stray to the margins, there are mechanisms that redirect you. There are others using it which helps to steer us on our way. There is less loneliness there. There, we do not stand out but blend in with comfort. The strength in numbers provides a safety net. The risks are much fewer, if any. One can even fall asleep as if on autopilot only to wake up and continue their direction automatically.
The less familiar option takes us into the unknown. There are dark places, shadows cast, illusions, with bends and twists and dead ends. It has no road signs but expects us to figure out how to negotiate safely and correctly. Depending on taking the less beaten path or taking a new unbeaten path altogether, there may not be any encounters with other travelers to show us the way, to help us out of binds, to console us. Taking this course, we often have to think and act for ourselves. The risks are great. Here, one never goes to sleep at the wheel! The adversity builds our character.
There is a mirroring truth in this proverbial message.
We all are shown this nice, smooth, paved, comfortable, less risky way to go through our lives clinging to familiar grab-holds as we maneuver our way through to the end. Probably some 99% of us take the yellow brick road. The remainder prefers the way of more initiative, more uncertainty, less security, and more bravery. We know that finding our own way creates an atmosphere that strengthens us, tests us, builds our characters, reinforces our determination, in which in the end, we can look back and see our success as the result of accepting the challenges and using our own inner strengths to build a more colorful and precious record of our journey. When finished, the way we took to enhance our lives, now others may begin to use the way we lit and strengthened.
That is our aim. At MOTIVATEMEN, we want to help men help themselves. We want them to see an alternative path that will take them to their destination. The yellow brick road is there, but we want men to get to the end via their own way, their own direction and discretion, via their own strengths and courage. With our efforts, we hope men, while seeing the more comfortable means of life travel, see the adventure in not repeating the same ole thing as most all the others have done since the dawn of civilization.
The feminist movement was the boulder that rolled onto the entrance way of the paths creating the question: does one negotiate the boulder and find themselves still on the beaten, yellow path, or does he see it as a chance to escape the ordinary expectations and prison-like confines, thus, embarking on a new liberating path—one promising to be rocky, steep, difficult, and riddled with courage but ultimately far more satisfying?
Until then, all men had to do was get on, turn it on, let go of the reigns, and take off. The yellow brick road had it all laid out. Sure there were concerns, trials, worries, and accidents, but if one wanted to be just like the rest, the choice was easy. But it ran the risk of being mundane, repetitive, too safe, less adventurous, and downright plain.
And with the feminists movement blurring the direction, it meant, to take the safe route, one had to sell out, to go along with things unnatural and harming overall, just to be like the others.
For a bold few, the new path being provocative, it is still enlightening. It promises a life’s journey filled with things never ordinary or predictable. It will have more risk, but it will pay off dearly.
It takes much more courage to go against the grain, to not take for granted the things shown to us, to not be just like everybody else. There are so many men who want to blaze a new trail. They are tired of the yellow path. They want something else to fill the nooks and crannies of their lives, to be the experiences they have as they travel through life. These men have the courage to stray, to see, to stay, to shrug off the mockery, and to finish triumphantly.
While we often hear from the obedient elders that “becoming a man” and “having the guts” is when a male takes a wife and starts a family, (who are they… for deciding how manliness is achieved in everyone else!!?), we also know that there is more than one way to becoming a man besides being limited to what women want and what other men looking on are comfortable with seeing. We, here, know beyond all shadows of doubt, that while having a wife and children builds admirable attributes in some men who venture there, however, such feelings are not the definition of becoming a man—and we will defend this premise to our deaths. No body but ourselves decides how we become men. That is our property, our domain, and is not subject to other’s control. No way! Not now, not ever!!
With the advent of feminists change, we at MOTIVATEMEN truly believe it takes less courage, less initiative, less vision to merely go the way others try and force us to go. For every man going against the taken-for-granted male grain, it takes more courage than the others can possibly imagine.
People are mean. People are selfish. People are clueless sometimes. If we let them steer us, then what right do we have to complain when we are miserable due to following their wishes for us? Didn’t we bring it on ourselves? Wasn’t it our fear of being ourselves that brought all the misery?
Living one’s life for others IS the yellow brick road. Taking a new course, is to live for oneself. One is safer, but the other is more rewarding.
Men, it is time to ponder a new path. One that many of you want badly but are too afraid to take the initiative, to stand out, to make a way for yourself. Being different may be a bit more lonely at times but when you do encounter people along the way you went, the chances are they will be more sincere, more flexible, more inclusive, and much more of a real friend, more of a real person with a more enhanced, resilient character—someone you will really want around you.
With everyone fitting the pattern as the most important reason to take the yellow brick road, it is hard to tell if they are genuine. When fitting in is the main criterion, there is no telling what others may do or say to make sure they don’t get left behind. But with an alternative plan, getting left behind, and finding your own way out is what drives you, and what makes you reach for more and more success.
From personal experiences, taking the road less traveled has yielded more happiness, more adventure, more character, more strength, and more satisfaction overall. There will be ups and downs, just as there are on any path, but the feeling that you did it on your own and that you are being true to yourself, makes the less traveled path much more inviting and rewarding and erases the few disadvantages.
The less beaten path is characterized by free men, by brave men, by renegades, by mavericks. It means one has choices, not being bound by strict expectations and rules designed as one-size-fits-all…which deep down, we all know to not be true. Some of us just want our independence from the confining mold. Many of us don’t appreciate the changes in feminist-driven women. A new world of freedom opens up for independent men. Some of us may be antifeminists too, or not. But all of us are leaders, leaving the safe followers on a path taking much less courage.
So when you consider your direction, think of the way that takes the most courage of all, that will build your character to heights never before realized, that will take you to the edge but return you to yourself time and time again. We know all of you will not see our vision, but we also know many of you want to be the different man that you are inside, your own man.
Be true to yourself. Let us help you. Let us inspire you. Let us help you help yourself and inadvertently help all other men and boys in ways that before, such thoughts were only pipe dreams in a remote wish land. Let these wishes come true!
The choice is yours. You can blame no one but yourself if you choose the safe, yellow way, but end up miserable. But if you dare to go it with courage, you can credit yourself if you triumph based on your own needs. And whether or not it all turns out perfect having gone the alternative way will not be the point— and you will know it.
Help us give men and boys more options. Help us shatter the mold. Help us help ourselves. Your life is yours…it belongs to you and you only…go for it! Be in charge of yourself. Be a man—your own man!